You Are No Longer Alone
by CrazyJan57
Summary: Tom receives a late night visitor, which changes everything. Set immediately after third season opening episode, Basics
1. Chapter 1

**You Are No Longer Alone**

Disclaimer - I don't own the rights, Paramount / CBS does. I just like to play with the characters.

Plot - Tom receives a late night visitor, which changes everything.

Set at the beginning of the 3rd season, the day after the episode "Basics"

I've been a ST fan since the early '80's and loved all incarnations of it (well most of it anyway). While I believe, like most fans, that Janeway should have ended up with Chakotay, I've become rather fond of the Janeway / Paris pairing. And since I didn't want to split up Paris / Torres, I've had to set it before that relationship took hold.

* * *

Chapter 1

Tom Paris woke slowly, with a feeling of being wonderfully sated, and with a familiar but welcome ache in his loins. As he became fully conscious, he was aware of three things; first, he was half aroused, which wasn't unusual for him, for most mornings he woke in such a state. Secondly, was the knowledge of a warm, and a very enticing, female body lying next to him. Lastly, but most importantly, the woman who was lying next to him, was Kathryn Janeway, his captain.

He had often fanaticised about being in this exact position, with the woman who was his captain but he never once imagined it would come true. Well, that wasn't quite true, he mused to himself, as he carefully raised himself up on his elbow for a better view of her soft curves. Looking back at all that had happened over the last several years, he realised that everything had been leading to this very moment.

He had been attracted to Kathryn Janeway right from the time she came to recruit him for a mission, while he was imprisoned at the Federation Prison located on the southern shores of the Waitakere Ranges, some forty kilometres west of Auckland.

He always preferred older women; there was just something about them, which younger women did not have. Whether it was their sexually maturity that he found irresistible or whether it would something Sigmund Freud would say, that he had some dark fantasy about wanting his mother, he did not know. All that he knew was his preference for older women, and in particular, this woman, his captain, Kathryn Janeway.

Although his chance of actually getting her into his bed, or her bed for that matter, was slim at best, it hadn't stopped him from flirting with her. And to his surprise, she had responded with her own friendly, and at times, seemingly flirty banter, and along with all those little touches, kept him in fantasies for months.

However, things began to change from the moment he had been charged and convicted with the murder of Tolen Ren, a scientist on the planet Banea. Although Janeway had defended him with a fierceness of a mama bear protecting her baby cub, he knew that he had disappointed his captain, with his reckless and devil may care attitude, especially his behaviour with Ren's young and very bored wife. It was that incident more than anything else, which made him reflect on his life, and what he saw, he didn't like.

He had no direction in life; he had drifted from one bar to the next, one fight to the next and had joined the Maquis, not out of a sense of duty, but from boredom. It had been that casual and indifferent attitude, which caused the authorities to capture him on his very first mission. It was with that same indifference, he had accepted Captain Janeway's mission but only on the condition that once it was over, he would be free to go his own way.

And even as she agreed to his terms, he sensed something about her, apart from a very subtle, almost subliminal appreciation of his looks; which many women had given him, was that she seemed to have a strange belief in him, that he could be more than what he was, if given the chance. It wasn't something he had felt in a long time; at least, not since the accident at Caldik Prime.

So, after what happened with Ren, he made a conscious effort to change himself, to regain the captain's obvious faith in him. It wasn't easy and there were times where he fell back to his old ways, including the stupid fight with Neelix, over Kes, but eventually he found himself growing into the man he always wanted to be. Here, on Voyager, he felt accepted, as himself, for the first time in his life, and it was here, on this ship, where he wanted to be.

A soft murmur broke into his thoughts and he smiled softly, as Kathryn rolled over onto her other side, still fast asleep, giving him a rather intriguing view of several freckles near the base of her spine that he hadn't noticed before but it left him wanting to discover if she had any more. His cock twitched in anticipation of that delicious thought and he grinned to himself, "Soon enough for you." he murmured, "I hope." he added.

He had a feeling that when she woke up she would do one of three things; ignore what had just happened or she would acknowledge it once and then never discuss it again. Alternatively, she would accept it completely. He hoped it would be the latter, but realistically it would be one of the former, for she had done it twice before.

The first time was after he broke the transwarp threshold, where he kidnapped her before they evolved, or perhaps more appropriately, de-evolved, into some kind of amphibian salamanders. Whereby they followed their animal instincts and mated, which had resulted in three offspring. That life changing event had only been acknowledged once between them, while they recuperated in sickbay, and then never to be discussed again.

He wondered if she ever thought about their offspring, as he did on occasion. Had they survived or would other predators have killed them? Would they have been able to bring them back to Voyager and change them into humans? Could they even have coped with three children on the ship? Or had Chakotay and the Doctor, been right in leaving them behind on the planet? Even now, he did not know the answers.

Another soft murmur came and he knew Kathryn would soon wake. He leant over and planted a light, feathery kiss to her bare shoulder, revelling in the warmth of her soft skin under his lips, "You can't ignore this, Kathryn, like you did before." he murmured quietly, as he remembered the first time he had kissed her.

_"...so, Laxeth advised us that his captain is willing to take you on board the Talaxian convoy group, as a pilot." Captain Janeway said, as she stood in her ready room._

_Tom nodded, "When do I leave? And do they know the reason I'm leaving Voyager?" he asked, as he stood beside Lieutenant Tuvok._

_"He is expecting you within the hour, Lieutenant," Janeway confirmed, "As to telling Laxeth about your mission, well," she glanced at Tuvok, "We thought it best not to. We do not want any reprisals to befall our Talaxians friends, if the Kazons were to discover that Laxeth, or his captain, knew about it."_

_"Indeed not, Captain. The Talaxians appear to be our only allies, since we arrived in the Delta Quadrant," Tuvok said, "It would not be in our best interests to destroy that tentative allegiance."_

_Janeway nodded, "And we need all the friends we can get," she said before she paused and regarded the young man in front of her, "Tom, you can still pull out of this mission. It's strictly voluntary."_

_Tom shook his head, "I appreciate that captain but I'm in this to the end." he replied._

_"Good. Well gentlemen, we are coming to the most dangerous part of the mission but with any luck we should finally discover who, in our crew, has been giving the Kazons information. Good luck, Lieutenant Paris." Janeway said._

_"Thank you, captain." Tom replied, as he and Tuvok came to attention before they turned and walked towards the door._

_Tom allowed Tuvok to exit the ready room, before he turned back. He stood nervously, as the door closed behind him._

_Janeway was about to move around her desk, when she felt a presence, "Lieutenant, is there anything else?"_

_Tom swallowed hard and nodded, as he stepped forward, "Well there is one thing, captain," he said, "We...I...well...it's that with there's no guarantee that this...mission will succeed and that I may not make it back to Voyager...and well..." he stopped. He didn't know what to say and he wished that he had left with Tuvok. It would have been better than this stammering._

_Janeway wondered at the young man's nervousness, "We both know that and that was why it was strictly voluntary." she replied._

_He nodded, "I know but in case I don't get back...I may never get another chance to do... Oh hell, I'll just do it." he said vaguely. He nervously wiped his clammy palms on his trousers, and before he could talk himself out of it, he crossed over to his startled captain, cupped her face with both his hands and he kissed her firmly but tenderly, on her lips._

_"I've always wanted to do that." he whispered, as he pulled back. He turned, and without another word, he left the ready room, leaving behind a stunned Kathryn Janeway._

However, he had made it back alive, and when Captain Janeway made no mention of his kiss, even in jest, he had felt both disappointed and somewhat relieved. Relieved that she hadn't thrown the book at him for conduct unbecoming an officer, but disappointed because she had acted as though it hadn't happened. Nevertheless, it had happened and in fact, he wanted it to happen again; he had a taste of her, and now he longed for more.

It also didn't help that she had spent several months alone with Chakotay, on uninhabited planet, after they had contracted a disease during a routine survey. He had been glad that they had eventually found a cure, with the help of the Vidiians, and both the captain and first officer were able to return to the ship but he found himself growing jealous of their closeness and he frequently wondered if their relationship had remained platonic while on the planet. He watched them quietly, for any signs of anything more than just friendship between the Janeway and Chakotay but to his relief, he could not discover any indications that they are, or were, lovers.

And just why was it important to him? Because he, Thomas Eugene Paris, was in love with his captain.

It wasn't some silly infatuation, as he had with Kes or any of the women in the past; except perhaps for his first love, Susie Crabtree. What he felt for Kathryn was real, more real than anything else he had experienced. However, the most annoying thing about it was that he didn't know what to do about it, especially when she wasn't willing to even acknowledge his kiss, let alone discuss anything more serious.

So, while he pondered his situation, along came Seska and her Kazon lover, Culluh, who captured Voyage and marooned the entire crew, except for himself, Suder and the Doctor, on an inhospitable planet. It was his regaining control of Voyager from the Kazons, and his subsequent recovery of the crew from the planet, that lead to Kathryn being in his bed.

He sighed, as he planted another soft kiss to her warm skin, felt her stirring from her sleep. His cock twitched once more, in memory of the night before. He often fantasised about their first time having sex; would it be fast, slow or both.

In reality, it had turned into a hard and fast fuck. There was no other way to describe it, he mused to himself. She had arrived at his quarters, very late, wanting to thank him for getting Voyager back and then...well, he didn't know who made the first move, but suddenly they were in each other's arms, their hands tearing at their clothing, while their mouths locked together, their tongues duelling for domination.

They barely made it to his bed, where she pushed him down onto his back and straddled him before she took him into her, and after a moment to become accustom to his thickness, she began to ride him hard and fast. He let her take what she obviously needed; be it sexual, physical, or emotional release, or a combination of all three. Perhaps there was even some kind of weird punishment at work, as though she wanted to atone for allowing the Kazons to capture her ship and not being able to do anything about it. It was something he knew much about, using sex as a means to forget the bad hand that life had thrown at him.

Whatever the reason for her coming to him, he have never seen such an erotic, and highly arousing scene, as he watched Kathryn above him, with her long hair down, palming her full breast with her left hand and her fingers of her right hand stimulating her clitoris. And the throaty sounds she made, as she rode him, drove him all but insane, and when she reached orgasm, not only she came hard, she was also very vocal in her pleasure. It was all that he could do, not to come himself but instead, he flipped them over, and crazed with lust, he took her as she had taken him. Hard and fast.

It appeared she liked the rough treatment, for she urged him on harder and when she cried out for the second time, he could not hold back any longer. He groaned and arched his back, as his orgasm ripped through him and he came inside her, in waves of intense pleasure.

Afterwards, he had expected her to leave but instead she allowed him to hold her, and it was in this intimacy, where his heart completely melted as she showed him a vulnerability that he hadn't seen before; she needed the comfort of human touch.

"...puter, what time is it?" Kathryn murmured sleepily.

Tom smiled, "It's oh seven hundred, Kathryn," he replied, as he gently trailed his fingers along her side, "There's still an hour before we are on duty."

He felt her stiffen under in his touch, "Mister Paris."

"Yes, ma'am." he replied, somewhat amused by her reverting to titles but he had miscalculated her reaction to his flippant tone.

"This is no laughing matter, mister." she replied coldly, as she sat up, ignoring the aches in her body, "This should not have happened. It was a mistake." she added before she stood and began searching for her clothes.

"But it did happen," Tom said, as he sat up, "You can't ignore it."

"Maybe not but I can make sure it doesn't happen again." she replied, as she found her bra and underpants, along with several of her hairpins. She quickly pulled on her underwear before she moved into the living area.

He rose up from the bed, slipped on his robe and moved around the partition that separated the small bedroom from the rest of his quarters, "Kathryn -"

She sighed, as she pulled on her trousers and then her tank top, "Tom, don't turn this into something its not." she said, as she grabbed her jacket.

"Oh, and what would that be, exactly?" he asked sarcastically, as he leant against the door frame, his arms folded over his chest, "Was it just a quick fuck with Tom and then everything's back to normal?"

She glared at him, "That's enough, lieutenant." she replied coldly, as she pulled on her jacket.

"Aye, _captain_." he said, as he tried to rein in his hurt, his disappointment but failing to keep the scorn entirely from his voice.

She ignored the rebuke and walked out of his quarters without another word, pulling her hair back into her usual bun.

He let out a long sigh, as the door closed after her, "That certainly went well, didn't it, Tom old boy." he said before he slumped down onto his chair.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Kathryn reached her quarters without seeing anyone, which was a good thing for she was in no condition to greet her people, or heaven forbid, if they wished to speak with her. Just what possessed her to break, not her own rules about fraternisation but she had betrayal of her fiancé, Mark. She wasn't the one to seek out others, while in a relationship, and yet, she had done exactly that.

Just why she visited Tom's quarters at such a time, she may never know. She could have personally thank him in her office and she was, in fact, going to do exactly that, along with placing a commendation in his permanent records but there had been no time. It had taken all of the afternoon and into the evening to assess the damage that not only Seska and the Kazons had done to Voyager, prior to their takeover but also the damage Tom and Suder had to do, in order to regain control of their ship.

It had only been after a complete inspection tour of her ship, that she realised she was on deck four, close by Tom's quarters, and without thinking of the possible consequences or even the lateness of the hour, she proceeded to them.

"What were you thinking, Kathryn?" she scolded herself, as she moved towards her bathroom. She could still smell him on her clothes, and she quickly stripped, "Computer, water shower, temperature thirty eight degrees celsius." she ordered. A water shower was a privilege that she rarely indulged in, but she felt a need to stand under the hot water, instead of sonic waves.

As she let the hot water sprayed down over her, she felt a rush of guilt and shame at her behaviour. She had used him, in a way she would never have done at any other time, all because she had allowed an enemy to take complete control of her ship, her crew marooned on a desolate planet and left to die. If it had happened, back in the Alpha quadrant, she would undergo a court-martial for the loss of Voyager, with the consequences of a permanent transfer to a desk bound job, or possibly a demotion or even cashiered out of Starfleet altogether.

Then Tom Paris brought Voyager back to her, and instead of feeling relieved or even gratified that she had her ship back, she felt as though she didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve to be captain again, without some kind of penance for losing it in the first place, and to her shame, her penance came in the form of sex. She used Tom, without any regard to his feelings, and then she all but ignored him, with no explanation for her actions, it was no wonder he was hurt and confused when she left his quarters.

She sighed, and as her wet hair clung to her head and trailed down her back, she knew she owed him an apology but at the same time, she knew she could not indulge herself again, no matter how good it was. She snorted to herself, "Stop deluding yourself, Kathryn. It wasn't just good sex, it was great sex." she muttered, as another rush of guilt swept over her, even as her whole body still hummed with a pleasurable ache. Not even by her own hand, had she obtained such intense pleasure.

She hadn't had sex, great or otherwise, since the caretaker transported them across the galaxy two years ago. The only time she had come close to something that resembled a physical relationship, or even an emotional attachment, was with a holographic character from one of her Gothic holoprograms. Even then, she had felt guilty for even thinking about cheating on Mark, for she had become so engrossed in the program that she began to have feelings for the character, and once she realised that, she stopped using it. Not only that, she had deleted that particular program from the computer data base, away from temptation.

However, Tom Paris was not a holocharacter; he was flesh and blood. She couldn't just turn Tom off, as she could with a holoprogram. She wasn't blind to his attractiveness, his boyish good looks, his cocky charm and his own brand of humour. He was also a good kisser, as she had previously discovered during the time he went uncover to flush out the Kazon spy; a kiss that left her wanting more.

She was even willing to admit, at least to herself, that there was a bond between them. Although at first the bond had not been sexual, at least not from her side, but nevertheless it had slowly changed over the last two years, to become more than the friendship and respect she had always felt for Tom. Even Chakotay had once mentioned it, stating that Paris seemed to be her personal reclamation project. However, as his captain, she couldn't become involved with him or anyone else under her command.

She sighed, she couldn't stay all day under the shower, no matter how tempting it was, "Computer, water off." she ordered. She stepped out of the stall, grabbed a towel from the rack and dried herself, before preparing for the morning briefing with her senior staff.

* * *

"...so, Captain, we have completed the repairs ahead of schedule and I expect my teams to finish within the hour." said Torres, as she sat at the briefing room table, with her fellow officers beside her.

Kathryn smiled, "That's excellent news, lieutenant," she replied, as she gazed around at her senior officers, "I know that the last several days hasn't been easy, for any of us." she stopped, as she caught Tom's eye before she quickly looked away. She didn't want to see the confused hurt in his blue eyes, when only hours prior, they had shown his desire, "But I am proud of the way everyone handled themselves in this difficult time."

There were nods and smiles from the officers gathered around the table.

"Well, if there is nothing else -"

"Captain, if I may?" Neelix interrupted.

"Of course, Neelix." Kathryn said with a smile.

"Well, Kes and I were thinking that since it has been a difficult time lately, what with the ship being taken over by the Kazons and the crew left on the planet. We were wondering that perhaps we could have some kind of gathering to celebrate our return to the ship."

Kathryn frowned, she wasn't sure if it was a good idea to celebrate a defeat, "Well, I am not sure -"

"Actually, I think that's a good idea," Chakotay spoke up, "It doesn't have to be an outlandish party but it would give the crew a chance to regroup and recover."

"We could hold it in the mess hall." Harry added with growing enthusiasm.

"And we can allow it to go over shifts, so that way, everyone will have a chance to mingle." Tom finished with a grin.

Kathryn shook her head and smiled, "Well, Mister Neelix, it looks like you have your party," she confirmed.

Neelix beamed happily, "Thank you, Captain. I'm sure the crew will appreciate it."

"I'm sure they will," she replied, as she glanced around the table one last time, "Dismissed." She watched as her officers stood, and with happy chatter, they made their way to their stations, pleased by their good spirits, it meant that they were, once more, a happy and contented crew.

However, there was one more thing she had to do, "Lieutenant Paris, one moment please." she called out.

Tom, who had been chatting with Harry about plans for the party, stepped back, "Aye, captain." he replied respectfully.

Kathryn waited until the doors slid closed, leaving only the two of them. She stood up, "Mister Paris...Tom," she amended, as she walked around the large table towards him, "I want to apologise for my actions, not only for last night but also this morning." she said sincerely.

Tom nodded slowly, as he accepted her apology, even as he had to push away a sudden urge to kiss her, "Kath...Captain, permission to speak freely?" he asked.

"Of course." she replied understandingly. She was hardly going to enforce military protocol after what had happened.

He ran his fingers through his hair, "I need to apologise too, for my remarks this morning, it was out of order."

She shook her head, "No, it wasn't. I was the one out of order, Tom, not you."

He took a step forward and placed his hands on the back of a chair, "Just what was it last night, Kathryn? Was it just sex or was it something else?"

She sighed, "It can't be anything else than that." she replied, ignoring his use of her first name.

He frowned, "What do you mean, it can't be anything else? Surely you feel there's something between us." he said as he let go of the chair and gestured with his hands, "Hell, it's been there ever since the day you came to me at the prison. It's the reason why I chose you, as my mate, when I transformed into a lizard, even though I had passed by several other women before I found you. It's why I kissed you, when I left Voyager that time, and it's probably why you came to me last night and not anyone else."

She shook her head, she had wondered, at the time, whether he had purposely selected her or if she had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time, and now she knew. Not that it would make any difference to her decision, "Even if I felt this thing you're talking about, I don't have the luxury of acting on it." she replied. She did not intend to admit anything to him; she didn't want to give him any kind of encouragement, "I can't get involved with anyone under my command." she added.

"But that's nonsense, Kathryn," he said bluntly, "We both know that there are no real regulations about fraternisation. And besides, it could take us decades to get home, are you willing to go without any kind of relationship or do you intend to find some alien along the way to satisfy you or to even create a hologram for your needs."

"That is enough, lieutenant." Kathryn snapped in anger.

Tom felt the blood rush from his face, "I'm sorry captain. I should not have said that." Smart move, Tom, anymore of that and you'll end up spending time in the brig, he scolded himself.

"I don't need to explain myself to you or anyone but I will, just this once," she said quietly, "You're right, Starfleet doesn't regulate relationships but there is an unwritten law for captains, to be very aware of the risks involved. The risk of being forced to choose between a lover and the ship, and there's the risk of showing favouritism or even abusing it. We like to think ourselves as being above that kind of jealousy, but despite all the advances of the last four hundred years, those emotions are still there, still very real. And being the only Starfleet vessel, there is nowhere for someone to transfer too, in case things go wrong."

He slowly thought about her words, "I can see that but -"

"But there is something more important," she interrupted him, "There is someone waiting for me back home and I am not ready to give him up yet."

He let out long breath, he couldn't argue against that, "All right," he replied, "But captain, if you ever do pair up with someone in the crew, the rest of us will support you. We are in this together, we all know how long it could take and I doubt that anyone would begrudge you from finding happiness." he said softly.

Kathryn felt a lump in her throat at his words, "Thank you, Tom." she replied.

Tom raised his hand as though to touch hers but instead he placed it back on the chair, "Captain, I want you to know that what happened last night, will in no way affect my duties to you or to the ship." he said sincerely.

She saw the sincerity in his blue eyes, he seemed to know that she required not only his support but also the knowledge that he wouldn't take advantage of what had occurred between them. She reached out and squeezed his arm, in a silent thank you but the moment she touched him, she knew it was a mistake for he stepped closer and placed his hand over hers.

"Kathryn," he whispered, as he held her eyes.

She felt her heart pound in her chest, at the warmth of his hand, the hope in his eyes, and as she pulled her hand away, she felt a flush rise over her cheeks. Perhaps if things had been different...no, she mustn't go down that path, she told herself, "Report to your station, Lieutenant." she ordered, her voice unsteady.

He saw the slight flush to her cheeks and with the small quiver to her voice and he knew she wasn't as unaffected as she made out to be. Perhaps all she needed was time, time for her to see things differently. In the meantime, he would go along with her wishes, "Yes ma'am." he replied before he turned and left the ready room.

She let out a long breath, in an effort to regain her composure, "Well, that went better than I expected," she muttered to herself. But what was she going to do now? After hearing Tom's confession of him actively selecting her to be his mate, and along with that wonderful but unexpected kiss he had once given to her in her ready room, it was becoming more and more apparent that he had feelings for her, and although she was tempted, she just couldn't go down that road.

Then there was Chakotay and his angry warrior story; he too, wanted more than she could give.

She snorted, "Good god Kathryn, you sound like one of your own holonovels, where the heroine has two men fighting over her. What next, a dual at dawn." she shook her head, as she left the briefing room. She would just have to carry on as though nothing had happened and hoped for the best.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

While Kathryn may have hoped for the best, the reality of the situation was in fact, highly distracting, especially when she was on the bridge. She was acutely aware of the maleness of both her first officer and her chief pilot. One with a quiet and occasional brooding masculinity, was sitting next to her, while the other was irreverent and yet full of virility, sitting in front of her. Both tempted her for different reasons; Chakotay because he reminded her of the melancholic but handsome heroes from the gothic holonovels she loved so well, while Paris was the loveable rogue, who could talk his way into, and then out of, any situation.

However, she lived in the real world, not in the fantasy of her holonovels. She snorted to herself; it wasn't just a fantasy anymore, it was reality, at least in regards to Tom Paris, anyway.

"Captain," Chakotay said curiously, as he glanced over at her, "Did you say something?"

She pulled herself together, somewhat embarrassed that she was, once again, thinking about Tom, "Just thinking to myself, that's all." she replied.

He grinned, "Well, as long as you don't start answering yourself back," he replied, in a teasing manner, "I would hate to relieve you of command due to mental instability."

She chuckled, "Well, that's certainly one way for you to become captain."

He shook his head, "Perhaps but it's not the way I would want it."

"Neither would I." she replied.

Chakotay took a moment to gaze around at the bridge crew, all busy at their stations, before he leant closer to her, "Captain, are you all right? Is anything bothering you?" he asked quietly.

"I'm fine, commander. Why do you ask?" she asked, hoping that she hadn't given herself away in her mutterings.

"Well, you've been somewhat distracted lately," he commented, "I was just wondering if there was anything wrong?"

Out of the corner of her eye, Kathryn saw Tom straighten up in his chair; he had obviously heard Chakotay's comment. Of course she was distracted, especially considering that the object of her distraction, sat barely three metres in front of her. She couldn't help but watch Tom, with his dark sandy hair, and those wonderful talented fingers, which worked the control panel as though he was caressing them, caressing her. That image alone had created heat within her, and on more than one occasion she had escaped to her ready room, to avoid being aroused on the bridge.

However, she wasn't going to admit that to anyone, let alone to her first officer, "I have been somewhat preoccupied this past week," she said loud enough for the others to hear, "About what I wouldn't do, to find a nice planet with trees and flowers, lakes and waterfalls -"

"With friendly natives." Chakotay interrupted, with a smile.

"Sandy beaches and coconut palms." Tom quipped, as he turned in his seat.

"Underground caves to explore." B'Elanna spoke up from her engineering station.

"And no leola roots to be found anywhere." Harry added with a grin.

"You won't get many arguments about that, Mister Kim." Kathryn commented, with a warm smile. She never minded the occasional banter on the bridge, as long as it didn't interfere with their duties. Some captains demanded a strict decorum on the bridge but she always believed that friendly banter was an indication of the overall morale of the crew. A happy crew was a hard working crew.

There were small chuckles around the bridge and just as Tom turned back to his station, he caught the captain's eye. For a moment their gaze held, each understanding the reason for her distraction, before he turned and faced forward once more.

He too had been distracted all week. Ever since the night she had come to his quarters he had trouble blocking out images of her, in his bed, from coming to the forefront his mind, sometimes at the most inconvenient times, such as when he was on the bridge. It was made worse knowing that she was seated behind right him, possibly watching him and several times he had found himself becoming half aroused by it, especially the time when he fantasised of bending her over the conn and taking her hard and fast. He was just thankful that the layout of the bridge, allowed no one to notice it from his station.

"Captain, I may not have found that planet you want, but I have found something else on long range scanners." Harry said, as he manipulated his control board.

"What do you have, Mister Kim?" Kathryn asked.

"One moment...Got it," Harry replied, "It's some kind of gaseous anomaly, and from my readings, it contains sirillium, lots of it." he added.

Kathryn exchanged a glance with Chakotay, "Sirillium. We could use that."

Chakotay nodded, "Yes, as much as we can get." he replied.

"Agreed," she replied, "Harry, give the co-ordinates to the conn." she ordered.

"Already done, captain." Harry replied.

"Good, Mister Paris, plot a course and proceed at warp six," she ordered, "Let's go get some sirillium."

"Aye captain, plotting course and engaging warp six." Tom confirmed, as his fingers flew over the control panel, "ETA is approximately twelve minutes."

Kathryn raised her voice, "Janeway to Tuvok. Please report to the bridge. Mister Neelix, I'd like you to join us as well."

* * *

Minutes later, Tuvok and Neelix stepped onto the bridge; Tuvok went immediately to his station, while Neelix made his way down to the command centre, "You wanted to see me, captain?"

Kathryn nodded, "Yes, Mister Neelix," she replied, "We have discovered a gaseous anomaly, which we hope will contain large amounts of sirillium. And if that is so, we're going to need to stockpile as much as we can, and with that in mind, I will need to convert storage bay three into a containment chamber."

Neelix sighed, "I understand, captain. I will make other arrangements for my pantry," he paused for a moment, "You know, captain, if I used some of the sirillium for my thermal array, it might improve cooking time. And that can only make the crew happier, especially if they don't have to wait in long queues for their meals." he added cheerfully.

B'Elanna snorted, "Yes, it could, but you would blow up half your kitchen in the process," she stated, "It will be far more useful as a warp plasma catalyst."

"The gas can also be used to boost deflector shield efficiency." Tuvok added.

Kathryn grinned at the ideas flowing around the bridge, "Well, I see there's certainly no shortage of good ideas," she said, "Commander, have all department heads submit proposals for sirillium usage."

"Aye, captain." Chakotay replied with a smile. He had a few ideas of his own to submit.

"Captain, the anomaly is within visual range." Tuvok said.

Kathryn nodded, "On screen." she replied. She gazed in wonder at the blue swirling mass on the view screen, "It doesn't matter how often I see such sights, it still leaves me with a sense of awe." she said quietly.

Chakotay nodded, "I feel the same, captain," he replied, "I think if we ever lose that feeling, it's time to retire to some planet and settle down."

She smiled, "I hope that time never comes," she said before she raised her voice, "Analysis, Mister Kim."

"It's a class seventeen nebula, captain," Harry replied, "I'm detecting hydrogen, helium, and sirillium."

B'Elanna twisted in her seat, "Captain, I recommend we use the Bussard collectors to gather the sirillium from the nebula."

Kathryn gazed down at the readout of her own monitor, and saw for herself that the Bussard collectors was the best option to gather the energy, "Good idea, lieutenant. Proceed." she ordered.

"Aye, captain." B'Elanna replied, as she turned back to her station and began preparations to deploy the collectors.

"Captain, I'm picking up a lot of plasmatic turbulence in there," Tom spoke up, as his fingers made adjustments on his console, "It might be a bumpy ride."

Kathryn nodded, "Tuvok, can you modify the shields to compensate for the turbulence?" When she didn't receive an answer from her tactical officer, she turned in his direction, "Tuvok?"

Tuvok fought against his sudden and inexplicable loss of control, "I'm experiencing dizziness and disorientation," he replied thickly, "Permission to go to sickbay, captain."

"Granted," she replied, with obvious concern reflected in her voice.

Tuvok left the bridge and after the doors slid close behind him, Kathryn turned to Chakotay, with a frown on her face, "That's most unlike him."

Chakotay nodded, "I don't think I've ever seen him ill before," he replied, "Hurt, yes but not ill. Let's hope it's nothing serious."

* * *

News of Tuvok's unknown ailment spread quickly throughout the ship, and while the lieutenant was not necessary a popular officer, he was well respected by the majority of the crew and many of them expressed their hopes for a fast recovery from his malaise.

Tom was sitting across from Harry, at one of the tables in the mess hall, eating lunch, "Ugh, what is this?" Tom asked, as he pulled a face of disgust, "This is worse than yesterday." he added, as he pushed his plate of barely touched food away from him.

"I told you, you should have chosen the soup." Harry said, with a smirk on his face.

"What's wrong Paris?" B'Elanna grinned, as she came up to their table, "Did you eat something sour?" she added before she sat down beside Harry, with her own bowl of soup.

Tom scowled, "Very funny," he replied. He wasn't in the mood for teasing, "Have you heard any more news about Tuvok, after his collapse in engineering this morning?"

B'Elanna shook her head, "Only that he and the captain are still in sickbay," she replied, "Rumour has it that the captain is going to be involved in some kind of Vulcan mindmeld, to try and help him."

Tom frowned slightly, "Sounds risky," he said worriedly, "For both of them." he added hurriedly, not wanting to give the impression that he was only worried about Kathryn, even though he was.

Harry nodded, "Yeah, it does sound risky," he agreed, "But whatever the problem is, we can definitely rule out anything emitting from the nebula that could be affecting him." he added before he took a spoonful of his soup.

"From what I've heard, Tuvok has some kind of virus, that's affecting his brain." B'Elanna said before she tried her soup, "You know, this is actually pretty good."

Neelix ambled over to the table and frowned when he noticed Tom wasn't eating, "Don't you like the Darvot fritters and the stuffed cardaway leaves, Tom."

Tom sighed, "It's not that, Neelix," he replied, "I guess I'm not all that hungry."

B'Elanna nudged Harry, "What do you think, Harry," she said with a gleam in her eyes, "Tom's been off his food for days now -"

"And he has been moody too." Harry added, as his quick mind, picked up on B'Elanna's thoughts.

Neelix grinned, as he caught onto the teasing, "And that can only mean one thing -"

"Tom's in love." the three of them said together.

Tom squirmed in his seat; they were getting too close to the truth, not that he would admit it to his closest friends.

"So, who is she, Tom?" Harry asked curiously.

"Yes, you must tell us." B'Elanna added, as she leant forward, "It can't be one of the Delaney sisters -"

"Or even Susan Nicoletti, for I've heard she and Doyle are together." Neelix stated.

"Doyle! Really, I hadn't heard that," Harry said with surprise reflecting in his voice.

"Neither had I. Your sources must be better than mine, Neelix," B'Elanna said to the Talaxian before she turned back to Tom, "What about Ensign Lang? I know she has been wanting more time on the bridge during alpha shift. Perhaps to spend time with a certain pilot." she added with a grin.

Tom sighed; he had enough of the teasing. His love for Kathryn wasn't something to be joked about; for him it was real, "Since you three have nothing better to do, than to gossip over my love life, I'll leave you to it." he said, as he rose to his feet and left the mess hall, leaving behind three stunned people.

"You know, I think he really is in love." B'Elanna said quietly, as she watched him leave.

"I think you may be right, B'Elanna," Harry replied, "But I wonder who it is."

The person at the centre of their discussion was making her way to the mess hall, for a light meal before she returned to her quarters for a much needed rest. The mind meld with Tuvok had taken a great deal out of her, out of both of them in fact. It wasn't as much as a physical drain, as a mental one but it had been worth it, to save the life of a dear friend. The doctor had ordered them to rest until the following day; she in her quarters and Tuvok in sickbay.

As she rounded the corner, she collided into Tom, who was on his way from the mess hall. They grabbed each other to stop themselves from falling, "I'm sorry, I wasn't watching were I was going." she said, with a small smile.

He grinned, "Well, that makes two of us," he replied.

For a moment they stood in their awkward half embrace, each feeling the pull of their attraction but the moment passed and Kathryn stepped backwards, separating them, "Any recommendations for lunch, lieutenant?" she asked, her voice a little unsteady.

"I've heard that the soup is good today, captain." Tom replied, his own voice reflecting his inner turmoil.

She nodded, "Then soup it is," she said, "Thank you Tom." she added before she stepped around him and walked down the hallway to the mess hall. Just before she reached the doors, she looked back and saw him watching her with longing in his blue eyes. She dropped her gaze and entered the mess hall; it wasn't the first time she had caught him looking at her with a sad longing, and it made her heart ache with regret. It was a stark reminder of her own long denied needs, her isolation and mostly of her loneliness. She could no longer denied her attraction to him but she knew that nothing could from it.

Or so, she kept telling herself.

* * *

Later that evening, Kathryn was resting quietly in her quarters; she had slept deeply for almost five hours, and now she was catching up on the latest science scans of the sector they were travelling through.

"Come." Kathryn said, as the door to her quarters, chimed.

The door opened and Tuvok entered, carrying a dark grey Thermos and two ceramic cups on a tray, "Captain, please forgive this intrusion." he said.

"Of course, Tuvok, you are always welcome here," she replied, as she straightened up in her chair and placed the PADD on the table, "Did the doctor release you from sickbay?"

He nodded, as the door the closed behind him, "He did, on the condition that I refrain from attending to my duties."

She hid her smile as she imagined how that conversation unfolded; her Vulcan friend was a private person and as such, he wouldn't appreciate the openness of sickbay, when he could be in the privacy of his quarters. Instead she focused on the tray he was carrying, "What do you have there?" she asked curiously.

"Vulcan tea." he replied simply.

This time, she allowed a smile to show, as she remembered her teasing remark about Tuvok bringing tea to Captain Sulu but not herself, "Are you looking for a promotion, Tuvok."

"Indeed not, captain," he replied, "I do, however, wish to share with you, this blend of Vulcan tea, as a token of my appreciation."

Kathryn felt humbled, "I would be honoured, Tuvok." she said sincerely, as she gestured for the Vulcan to take a seat. There were times when she could tease her dear friend and there were times when she would not; this was one of the latter.

Tuvok sat down and carefully poured them both a cup of tea, "This blend is one that I find most agreeable." he said, as he handed over the tea.

"Thank you," she replied, as she took a sip of the hot drink. She took a moment to savour the exotic taste, and while she wasn't much of a tea drinker, she was surprised by the flavour, "This is wonderful, Tuvok, truly refreshing." she complimented before she took another sip.

"Indeed, captain," he replied as he too, took a sip of the beverage, "I too, find it refreshing."

She nodded, "And is this real tea, isn't it, not replicated?" she asked curiously.

"Yes, T'Pel hand-picked the leaves herself from our garden and freeze-dried them." he stated.

Kathryn settled back against her chair, "I didn't know your wife grew tea."

He nodded, "Yes, in fact, as a horticulturist, my wife is also known for the variety of tea she grows."

She smiled, "Just like you, with your Vulcan orchards." she replied warmly.

"Indeed." he said.

For a moment, they sat in companionable silence, enjoying the Vulcan beverage, before Kathryn placed her cup on the table, "Tuvok, while I am honoured by your gesture of sharing your wife's tea with me, I feel that there is something else on your mind."

"As usual, captain, your insights are correct," he replied, "You recently acted as my pyllora, my guide in the mind meld. Let me be your pyllora; your guide, your counsellor."

Whatever Kathryn was expecting, it wasn't this, "You're already one of my most trusted advisors and confidants, my counsellor as it were," she said, "But I must admit to being curious as to why you are mentioning it now."

"Permission to speak freely, captain." he requested.

"Granted." she replied immediately.

"It has become apparent, to myself and the crew, that you have not been yourself lately," he said, "And as such, I offer myself as your pyllora, to guide you through your unrest."

She let out a sigh, "I didn't know I was that transparent," she murmured, as she leant forward, "You're right, I am in need of your guidance, of your objectivity."

"I will endeavour to do my best." he said sincerely.

She nodded, "I know you will," she paused to gather her thoughts, "I need your advice on crew fraternisation, specifically the possible consequences and outcomes, of a captain fraternising with someone under his or her command..."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The following day, Kathryn stood staring out at the stars, from the large windows of her ready room, deep in thought. The night before had turned into an interesting, and engaging conversation regarding fraternisation, not only between officers and enlisted crewmembers but also between senior officers, including a captain. Although she already knew the answer, Tuvok confirmed Tom's earlier assertions that there were no regulations, only general protocols or guidelines, to ensure no undue pressure are brought upon the person of lesser rank.

They discussed how a relationship between a captain and a junior officer could become a potential security risk, including having to choose between love and the ship. Tuvok admitted that although it had the potential to force a captain into a difficult position, it had not stopped Starfleet from commissioning the Galaxy Class starships, whose extended exploratory and scientific missions allowed families to serve on the same vessel, so as not to separate them for any period of time.

They had also talked how it could affect the morale of the crew, if they believed that captain showed any favouritism towards their partner or believed the junior officer might take advantage of their position. However, they agreed to review and update their current protocols regarding crew grievances, including all aspects of personal and professional relationships on board Voyager. In fact, it was becoming important now, more than ever before, that all crewmembers feel confident in obtaining a fair hearing into any dispute. They had a long way to go and any unresolved arguments would fester like an open wound, never to be healed, which in turn would create a toxic environment for everyone.

But the most surprising part of the entire conversation, came when Tuvok told her that she should not deny her basic human need for a mate. She could not have been more stunned to see Seska standing in the doorway of her quarters, than to hear that from Tuvok. In effect, he had all but given his acceptance, his approval of any relationship she may start.

The door chime sounded, "Come." she said absently, as she continued staring out of the window.

Tom Paris stepped into the ready room, with a PADD in his hands and he was about to open his mouth but then he saw her standing alone, by the window. He watched her for a moment, saddened by the distance she had kept between them; they had rarely spoken in the last ten days, except for a respectful greeting. Perhaps it was time to change that, he mused to himself.

"Do you even think of them, captain?" he asked quietly, as he walked several paces towards her.

She saw his reflection in the glass, "Who?"

"Our lizard offspring." he replied, "Do you ever wonder if they survived or not?"

She sighed, as she turned to face him, "Sometimes I do." she replied, as she gestured for him to sit on the lounge, "I take it you do as well?"

He nodded, "Yes, sometimes," he said, as he stepped up to the lounge and sat down, "Do you think it was right to leave them behind? I mean couldn't we have changed them, like the doctor had done to us?"

She shook her head as she sat down beside him, "I believe that it was the right thing to do," she replied, "I did some research on what we had became, and together with the tricorder readings of the landing party took, I came to the conclusion that there was not enough human DNA to revert them."

"But surely, they were our...um...children, they would have both our DNA." he said.

"That's true, but they were born as lizards, as you call them, not as humans as we were," she replied, "It was easy enough for the doctor, once he discovered the process, to revert us back to what we were, but not for them. They couldn't become something they hadn't been."

Tom ran his fingers through his hair, "I guess they were too far evolved to change," he paused before he grinned, "Besides, we probably would have had trouble raising three children, anyway."

Kathryn's heart pounded at that familiar cheeky smile, "Yes, especially if they were all like you." she gently teased him. Why was it so easy to talk with him, she wondered, so easy to tease?

He chuckled softly, delighted that she comfortable enough to tease him again, "Thanks. I think." he replied, "You know, since there were two girls and one boy, do you think that they...um...have mated? I mean, we could already be grandparents or even great grandparents. Perhaps I should call you grandma, from now on." he quipped.

She glared at him, "Not unless you wish to spend the rest of our journey in the brig, Mister Paris." she replied.

"No, ma'am." he replied. She would probably do it to, he mused to himself before he turned to face her more fully, "If we had been able to bring our...children on board, I would raise them with you. I mean, you wouldn't have to worry about me being an absent father." he added seriously.

Her heart melted at his sincerity, "I know you would, Tom." she replied, "For the record, I think you would make a great father."

"And you would make a wonderful mother, Kathryn." he replied softly, as he was overcome with a sudden urge to kiss her. He leant closer to her, his eyes dropping from her eyes to her lips and back again, letting her know what his intentions were. He didn't care if it was too soon, all he wanted was to feel those soft lips under his once more.

She felt heat rise through her body, at the longing in those blue eyes of his and she found herself unable to resist it. She didn't know if she leant towards him, meeting him halfway or whether he closed the distance between them but when she felt his breath on her face, she closed her eyes, waiting, longing for his lips to touch hers.

"Bridge to Captain Janeway." Chakotay's voice interrupted them, making them jump backwards.

"Great timing." Tom muttered under his breath. He could have strangled Chakotay; he had been so close, another second and she would have been his.

Kathryn took a deep breath before she tapped her commbadge, "Janeway here."

Tom was amazed that her voice sounded normal despite what was about to happen, he doubted if he had that same kind of self control.

"Captain, you wanted to know when we entered the Akritiri system." Chakotay said.

"Thank you, commander, we'll be right there. Janeway out." she replied.

They gazed at each other but the moment was broken.

Perhaps it was for the best, Kathryn mused to herself, she should never have let their conversation become so personal, "Was there something you came to see me about, lieutenant?" she asked, as she stood, hoping not to sound too harsh with him. It wasn't his fault for wanting to kiss her, for she wanted it as well.

Tom held back a sigh of regret, as he too stood up, "With Neelix's help, I've made a detailed analysis of our possible route through this region of space, captain," he replied, as he handed over the PADD to her.

She nodded, "Thank you," she replied as she took it from him, "I'll read it with interest." she added.

As they made their way towards the door but before the sensors could activate, she paused for a moment, "Tom, I enjoyed our talk." she stated. She wanted him to know that everything was fine between them.

He smiled warmly, "I did too. I hope we can do it again, sometime." he said boldly, and without any interruptions, he added silently.

Kathryn read the hope in his eyes, "Perhaps but right now, we have work to do." she replied, as she strode out of her ready room and onto the bridge. _My god, what are you doing Kathryn_, she scolded herself, y_ou need to stop flirting with him or he'll get the wrong impression. _Whatever that maybe, she didn't know.

Tom followed her, with a small smile on his face; she hadn't said no, he mused to himself as made his way to the conn.

"Captain, we are being hailed by the Akritirian authorities, Ambassador Liria." Harry said.

Kathryn focused all her attention to the task at hand, "Do you know Ambassador Liria, Neelix?" she asked.

Neelix nodded, "Yes, I do, captain. I've dealt with him several times before and each time, he has been fair, if somewhat strict." he replied.

Chakotay frowned, "In what way is he strict?"

"Oh, he's very much by the book." Neelix said, "He likes his regulations and doesn't deviate from them. In fact, the whole society is too strict for my tastes."

Kathryn nodded, "Well, I don't mind if they are strict, as long as we can trade with them, fairly and openly," she said, "Ensign Kim, put the Ambassador through."

"Aye Captain." Harry said, as he ran his fingers over his control panel.

The view screen flickered to show a male Akritirian of indeterminate age, "I am Ambassador Liria, please identity yourselves." he ordered.

Kathryn walked several paces closer to the view screen, "Ambassador Liria, My name is Captain Kathryn Janeway, of the starship Voyager," she introduced herself, "We are merely passing through your system, on our way home."

"And what are your intentions on Akritiri, Captain Janeway?" Liria asked formally.

"We are hoping to conduct a peaceful, and mutually beneficial trade negotiations, Ambassador, to supply our vessel and perhaps as a place of rest and recreation for my people, if you allow it." she replied.

Liria considered it for a moment, "Very well, captain, you are welcome to trade with our people for your needs. However, as for sending your crew down, I must insist on a maximum of ten people at any one time. We are, overall, a law abiding people, however not everyone is so civic minded and I have no wish to see any harm come to your people. I'm sure you understand, captain."

Kathryn smiled, "Of course, Ambassador, and I thank you for your concern," she replied.

"I will have my people give you a list of reputable traders, and places of interest for your crew." Liria stated as he half turned and gave an order to someone off-screen.

"Thank you Ambassador, your help is most appreciated." Kathryn said, pleased by the way things were going.

Liria nodded, "If you require anything, captain, please contact my office." he replied before the screen went blank.

"Not much on small talk, is he?" Tom quipped.

"Perhaps not, but it did go better than I expected," Kathryn said, as she moved back to her command chair.

Chakotay nodded, "Agreed and lets hope that everything runs just as smoothly," he said, "We need some good luck after the problems we've been having lately."

Kathryn smiled, as she sat down, "I think we all could use a little rest -"

"Captain, we are receiving the transmission from the planet," Harry interrupted from his station, "It's a listing of the traders and places of interests from the Akritirians."

"Excellent," she replied, "Mister Neelix, please work with Lieutenant Tuvok regarding the supplies we need." she added.

Neelix smiled, "Yes, captain." he said, as he made his way over to Tuvok.

"Captain, I'll start organising shore leave for our people." Chakotay said, as he turned to his panel and began making preparations.

"I would suggest the first group of people be selected from the more experience of our crew, so they can report back on their visit." Kathryn said.

He nodded, "Of course and I'll have them go down in groups of two or more and for a six hour leave rotation," he replied, "That way, we should be able to get everyone planetside over the next three days or so."

"That sounds like a good plan, Chakotay," Kathryn replied, "Who will you have in the first group?"

Chakotay gave his captain a small teasing smile, "I was thinking that Paris and Kim, captain, but it might be too dangerous for them."

Tom raised an eyebrow, "Too dangerous? Oh I think that Harry and I can handle anything that the Akritirians can throw at us, isn't that right Harry?" he asked as he swivelled in his chair.

"Actually Tom, I was hoping to write a new musical piece for my clarinet." Harry replied with a ghost of a smile, tugging on his lips.

Tom shook his head, "Well that's it, commander. You must order Harry to take shore leave. You can't let him write music, when there's a new planet to explore."

Chakotay chuckled, as he exchanged an amused look with Kathryn, "Already done, gentlemen. You two will be in the first group, and Harry, if you wish to take your clarinet, feel free to do so."

"Aye, commander." Harry replied with a grin.

* * *

Tom and Harry sat at the outdoor eating area, of the Laktivia Recreational Facility, watching the crowds as they wondered around the various amusements the facility had to offer. Inside the large domed arena, strange sports were played; both teams and individual events. There were several theatres where actors performed all manner of plays, and outside were many small cafes and bars, which sold a large range of aromatic food and drinks. While for those looking for culture, the natural museums and art galleries, displaying the creative talents of the Akritirians, were located on the other side of the grand plaza.

"Ah, this is the life, Harry," Tom grinned, "Relaxing in the sunshine, watching people enjoying themselves. Isn't this better than going to the museums, like you wanted to?" he asked before he took a sip of his drink.

Harry chuckled, "I can't deny that," he replied, as a number of musicians went by, "It does feel great to get off the ship. Meeting new people, trying new things," he paused, "Watching beautiful girls walk by." he added with a grin.

It was Tom's turn to chuckle, "Yeah, there are some lovely girls here, all right." he confirmed.

Harry gazed at his friend for a moment, "So, what's been bothering you lately?"

"What makes you think there's something wrong?" Tom replied vaguely, as he watched a group of women walk by.

"Well, you haven't been you're usual self," Harry paused, not sure he should pry, "I know we teased you in the mess hall, the other day but we're best friends, and best friends help each other out."

Tom sighed, he did need someone to talk about it, "I'm in trouble, Harry, big trouble."

Harry considered him, "Don't tell me you're in love again."

"Yes but this time it's different." Tom replied.

Harry looked sceptically at his friend, "Yeah but you said that last time, when you told me you loved Kes."

Tom shrugged, as he cradled his glass in his hand, "That was just infatuation," he replied, "Something unattainable."

"And this time, it's attainable?"

"I hope so, Harry, I really do." Tom replied as he took another sip of his drink, "It's real this time, very real. Just as real as what you feel for your girl back home."

Harry was stunned; Tom had never compared any of his romances, with his own love, "Libby? Are you serious? You're...really in love?"

Tom smiled at the startled expression on his friend's face, "Yes, Harry, I'm in love."

Harry gave a low whistle, it wasn't something he expected. After all, Tom Paris had a reputation with the ladies on board Voyager, one where he wasn't the type to settle down with one girl, "And does she feel the same about you?"

"I believe she does." Tom replied.

Harry frowned, "You don't know? How can you not know?"

Tom sighed, "It's rather complicated," he replied, "Promise me you won't tell anyone else about this? I need your word on it." he added seriously, "I don't want any talk about this, to get out before it has a chance of starting."

"Of course, I won't tell, Tom," Harry promised.

Tom sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, "I'm in love with the captain."

Harry opened his mouth, closed it, and then opened it again, "The...captain?"

Tom nodded

"But...but...she's the...captain." Harry stammered.

"She's also a woman, Harry." Tom said, somewhat amused at his friend's disbelief.

"I know that, Tom," he replied, "But I just thought she and Commander Chakotay were...um...you know."

"Lovers?" Tom shook his head, "We all thought that, but they're just close friends."

Harry was silent for a moment as he slowly digested the news, "So, you said you believe the captain feels the same."

"Yeah but she believes that being a captain, she can't have a relationship with someone under her command."

Harry nodded, "Yes, we had a lecture at the academy about the dangers -"

"But there are no regulations against it," Tom interrupted as he leant forward, "Tell me honesty, Harry, what do you think about the captain being in a relationship. Don't think of me, but just in general terms."

Harry gazed out into the distance, "Well, I guess the personal life of anyone, is just that, personal, as long as it didn't interfere with running of the ship or cause any friction between senior officers. However, having said that, our situation on Voyager is unique. I mean, it could take decades to get home, and we only have each other and unless we settle on a populated planet, then it is only normal that we would turn to each other and form permanent relationships. If the captain wanted to form a relationship with someone from the crew, then we should not stand in her way. If anything, I would be pleased that she could find happiness."

Tom nodded, "That's what I told her," he replied, "I said that the crew would understand and I don't think anyone would begrudge her any happiness she can find."

"And we wouldn't or at least I wouldn't," Harry said, "What are you going to do?"

Tom let out a long breath, "I'm not sure, but I won't give up," he paused, as he picked up the glass and drained his drink, "Come on, Harry, there's a game about to start between two teams of Akritirian Patrollers that should be interesting."

The change in conversation startled Harry but he decided to go along with it, "Sure." he said, before he stood up and followed Tom towards the large domed structure. However, as they reached the main doors, a large explosion knocked them off their feet, sending debris and dust over them.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Kathryn was furious; it had been three days since the terrorist bombing at the Laktivia Recreational Facility, which killed forty-seven government patrollers and an unknown number of civilian injuries and deaths. What was even more infuriating was the fact she had two people unaccounted for and she was getting no answers from the Akritirian authorities. At the time of the blast, they had ten people planetside, and it had taken a full twenty-four hours to confirm that eight of them were alive.

She had yet to hear anything from Lieutenant Paris and Ensign Kim; neither of them had made contact with the ship, and none of the other crewmembers had seen them. They had tried to scan the city for human life-signs and their commbadges but the Akritirians had raised their planetary defence system, which blocked their sensor scans. She had pressed the Ambassador for access to their systems but Liria had denied her request, citing security reasons.

In fact, Ambassador Liria had become increasingly suspicious about them, accusing them of being in league with the Open Sky terrorists. Then to add insult to injury, he had confirmed that the authorities had arrested, convicted and sentenced Paris and Kim, for the bombing, and of the killing of the patrollers, before he demanded they ready themselves to be boarded, for further investigation of any links to the terrorist organisation.

Suffice to say, she wasn't going to allow the Akritirians, or anyone else, to board her ship. Nor did she had any intention of leaving Tom and Harry to rot in some alien prison but if Liria wasn't going to listen to their initial findings, then she would begin their own investigations and if that meant she had to bend the rules to do so, then so be it.

"Commander, get us out of here." she ordered Chakotay, who had taken over the conn.

"Aye, captain." he replied, as his fingers flew over the console, "There's no indication that they are following us." he added after a moment.

Kathryn nodded, her hands on her hips, "I guess they're more interested in getting rid of us than finding out the truth." she stated with barely contained fury.

B'Elanna swivelled in her chair, "We've got to go back for Harry and Tom." she said heatedly. She couldn't believe that Janeway would simply leave and ran away, like that.

Kathryn shook her head, "I'm worried about them to, lieutenant, but at the moment we don't know where they are being held," she replied, as she forced down her own worry, "We need to concentrate on proving Harry and Tom's innocence, and if we can track the source of that trilithium, it may lead us to the real bombers."

"And once we have the real bombers, then what?" Chakotay asked.

"Then we'll exchange them for Tom and Harry." she replied.

* * *

Tom was dreaming of Kathryn, as he lay on a pile of rags in the relative safety of Zio's hovel. He was dreaming of their first meeting at the Federation Prison but this time it was different, she was walking towards him, naked, her hands behind her back, her breasts pushed forward, almost like a challenge to him to touch them, to feel their softness. She stopped in front of him and when he reached out to touch her, she raised her hand and slapped his face.

He opened his eyes with a groan, "No." he moaned hoarsely, as he struggled to sit up. He felt a gentle pressure on his chest, pushing him down again, "Harry?" he murmured, as he barely recognised his friend in the dim light.

"Yeah, it's me," Harry replied, "How are you feeling?" he asked, as he settled into their small space.

Tom coughed, then grimaced as the spasm sent hot pain shooting down his spine, "Feels like I've eaten...one too many...bowls of...Neelix's leola root...stew." he stammered, as his mind floated between pain and darkness.

Harry gave a soft chuckle, "That bad, eh."

"Worse," Tom muttered, "God, I was dreaming...about Kathryn," he said, as he reached out a trembling hand to his friend, "Harry, if I don't...get out...promise me you will tell her...tell Kathryn, that I love her. Promise me."

Harry grabbed his hand, "Of course I promise, Tom," he reassured the injured man, "But you can tell her yourself, when we get out of here."

Tom finally remembered where he was and what they were planning, "The chute. You made it inside. Did you find a way out?"

Harry wouldn't tell his friend what he had discovered, that they were actually on a space station with no way to get off, "Not yet, but we're very close. It's just a matter of time, so you've got to hang in there, okay." he said, as he ripped some material from his shirt. He wished he had some clean cloth and fresh water, along with other medical supplies but he was hardly going to get them, even if they were available, which they weren't. His clothing would have to do.

Tom's eyes glazed over in confusion, "What happened to me?"

Harry began to untie the dirty bandage on Tom's side, "Easy, Tom. You got stabbed, remember?"

"Who...who did it?" Tom asked, as his paranoia began to take over once more, "It was you, wasn't it. Leave me alone." he cried, as he began to struggle against the very man, who was trying to help him.

"Tom, stop, I'm just trying to change your bandage," Harry said, trying to sooth him, "Tom, give me the pipe. We need it to get out of here, remember. It's okay Tom, let me take it." he said, as he managed to wrestle the pipe away from his delusional friend, "You're going to be okay."

* * *

Kathryn was in no mood to make deals with the brother and sister responsible for the bombing; they wanted her to free their fellow terrorists from the same prison that Tom and Harry was in. As much as she was willing to bend federation rules, she was hardly going to allow a group of terrorists, or freedom fighters as they called themselves, back into the population. Whatever the problems of Akritiri had, she wasn't going to interfere in their social development. In the end, it was the woman, Vel, who finally agreed to provide the co-ordinations of where the maximum security detention centre was located.

As security escorted Vel from the briefing room, a radical plan began to form in Kathryn's mind, a plan to rescue her people from the detention centre, a plan that might bring the first conflict of interest between her and Tom, out into the open. Over the last four days, she had been worried sick for both Tom and Harry, but more so for Tom. She tried not to focus on her feelings for fear it would jeopardize her objectivity but it had been hard to ignore it altogether.

She turned to Tuvok, "I have a plan to rescue our people," she said, "And if I'm not mistaken, Mister Neelix's ship is still in our shuttle bay." she stated.

Tuvok nodded, "Yes. However, Mister Neelix's vessel has extremely limited combat capabilities." he stated.

"Then we'll have to be very careful, won't we?" Kathryn said with a firmness that belied her worry.

He raised an eyebrow, "We?"

"I intend to lead the rescue mission, myself," she replied, as she gazed at her tactical officer, "Any problems with that, Lieutenant Tuvok."

"Captain, it is not necessary for you to lead the mission yourself," he replied, "My security team is well trained for such a task."

She nodded, "I'm sure they are, but I feel it is necessary for me to go, in case the Akritirian authorities discover the ruse and you need a diplomatic solution." she replied. It was a rather feeble excuse but she needed to do this.

Tuvok's eyebrow rose even higher, "I hardly believe that storming a prison could be seen as diplomatic gesture," he replied, as he regarded in his captain, "Permission to speak freely?" he asked.

Kathryn held back a sigh, "Granted."

"Captain, as your pyllora, your counsellor, and after our recent discussion regarding protocols for fraternisation, I need to ask you this. Are you letting your...high regard...for Lieutenant Paris, cloud your judgement?"

She gazed intently at her friend, "I don't recall mentioning any names in our discussion."

"You did not," he replied, "However, you have taken an active interest in Mister Paris's career and personal behaviour over the last two years, which has created a bond between you. It is reasonable to assume, that this bond has matured into an emotional attachment. Hence, your need for our recent discussion."

She sighed, "First Chakotay and now you, talking about a bond between Tom and myself," she murmured, perhaps there was something real and tangible between them after all. She shook her head, "I know we talked about the possible concerns of a captain choosing between a...crewmember and the ship, but in this instance, Voyager, herself, isn't in danger."

"Yet it could be said, that by going on this mission you are putting yourself in danger. And that very danger could rob the ship of her captain." Tuvok stated.

She let out a long breath, "I can see your point, Tuvok, but under that idea I would never leave the ship, in any situation," she replied, "Even staying on Voyager can be dangerous in itself. We've had too many intruders, we've come under too many attacks, to feel one hundred percent safe on the ship. And while there is a risk to this mission, I believe it is an acceptable risk for me to lead the rescue."

Tuvok considered her words, "Agreed, captain, but I will accompany you."

Kathryn smiled, "I never thought otherwise."

* * *

Twenty hours later, Kathryn entered the sickbay and was pleased to find both Tom and Harry, looking better than the last time she had seen them. The rescue mission was successful and even with the limited ability of Neelix's vessel, they had made it safely back to Voyager with no damage to the ship and no injuries to the rescue party. The only concern, which everyone felt, was for the terrible conditions that both Tom and Harry were in, especially Tom, with his infected wound and high fever. But now, both men were clean, in fresh uniforms, their wounds treated and had just been released from sickbay.

Kathryn watched Tom and Harry leave sickbay, with Neelix behind them before she turned to the doctor, "How are they really, doctor?" she asked concernedly, once the door had closed.

The doctor sighed, "Physically they are fit and healthy but I am worried for their mental health, captain," he stated, as he gestured for them to go to his office, "As you know, the conditions of the prison can only be described as barbaric, the implant was essentially a torture device to control the prisoners, through violence against each other."

She shook her head, "And to turn friend against friend," she said, as she remembered the doctor's initial report on how some of the wounds were inflicted on each other, "I know I've mentioned it before but we could have used a ship's counsellor, now more then ever."

The doctor nodded, "I know and I believe I may have a solution," he replied, "As we have no trained counsellor on board, and as we are the only Starfleet vessel, in this quadrant, I suggest that we, the crew, become counsellors for each other."

She frowned, "I'm not sure I follow you, doctor." she commented, as she stepped closer to his desk.

"What I am suggesting is a system, whereby a crew member who needs someone to talk too, can do so with another person. Think of it as a buddy system, each pair can look out for each other, to be able to allow the other person to discuss their issues, without fear of judgement."

Kathryn nodded slowly, "Like within a family," she said thoughtfully, "There is usually one member of your family, you would go to, over the others, if something was bothering you. Someone you would trust completely."

The doctor smiled, "Exactly, captain, like a family," he replied, "In effect, we have become one large family on Voyager."

"Yes, I guess we have become a family," she said, "But doctor, I'm pretty sure that most of us have already talked with our friends, over the last two years. Why would this be any different?"

"That's certainly true but I would like to make it more of an official medical protocol, captain. I don't mean for everyday occurrences but for the more extreme trauma such as what Lieutenant Paris and Ensign Kim have gone through," he said, as he moved around his desk, "It is part of Starfleet Medical requirements that all crewmembers are capable of performing their duties, both physically and mentally. I feel it would be a dereliction of my duties as Chief Medical Officer, if I did not do so."

Kathryn was silent for several moments as she mulled over the idea, "Doctor, your suggestion does have merits but there are several things that concern me. First, it must be strictly voluntary on the person acting as a counsellor, they would also need some guidance from you on how to conduct such sessions. Second, I don't want one person to become a counsellor for the whole crew; you will need to limit it, perhaps to two or better yet, just one on one. Third, that whatever is said in the sessions remains confidential between them and to you. And lastly, the patient must feel comfortable in seeing someone. I mean, they may not want to talk with a friend about something intensely personal."

The doctor nodded, "I agree with everything you mention and much more, captain," he replied. "If you wish, I will submit a proposal for you."

"Please do, doctor," she replied, "Submit a full report on the pros and cons, in two days, and we'll discuss it further." she stated.

"Of course, captain," he replied, "And captain, as to Paris and Kim, I fully believe that they are in need of some counselling, away from each other."

She frowned slightly, "Could they not help each other, they're best friends after all."

"They can and they probably will, but sometimes you can tell a stranger more, than you would a best friend, especially if you have no wish to hurt the other's feelings." the doctor replied.

She slowly let out a breath, "All right, I can see that," she said, as she gazed at the doctor, "I imagine you already have someone in mind to help them." she said.

The doctor sat down at his desk, "As a matter of fact, I do. For Ensign Kim, I thought that Lieutenant Torres would help." he replied.

"B'Elanna? Why?" she asked curiously.

"For one thing they are friends, and they are comfortable around each other," he replied, "And do they share history together, they were the only ones that the Caretaker experimented on and were transported down to Ocampa, together. That alone created a bond between them. Lieutenant Torres also has life experiences with the Maquis, and the violence which came from that, so she can easily relate to what Kim went through."

Kathryn nodded, "That makes sense but you must make it clear to B'Elanna that it's strictly voluntary."

"Of course, captain," he paused for a moment, and then continued, "As for Paris, I had hoped that you would be willing to step in."

"Me? You want me to be Tom's counsellor," she said with surprise, "Why?"

"Because you have a special bond with Paris, captain, more so than with any other crew member. Except perhaps for Lieutenant Tuvok, and to a lesser degree to Commander Chakotay," he replied, "And just like Torres and Kim, you have a history with Paris. It is apparent to most of the crew, although in Paris's favour, he has never taken advantage of that history."

She just stared at the doctor as though he had just turned into a Kazon, "My god, doctor, does everyone think I play favourites with Tom Paris!"

He gazed at his captain with interest; was that a hint of defensiveness on her part, "No, captain, the crew certainly does not. They consider you to be a fair and equal captain," he replied soothingly, "It's just that everyone knows of your interest in Paris, of your faith in him to be a better officer. The crew see it as a mentor and pupil relationship, than anything else. Unless there is something else to it?" he asked shrewdly.

She ignored him, "So, you believe I would be the right person to help Mister Paris?"

The doctor nodded, "Yes, captain, I do," he stated, "They may have only been in that prison for four days or so but they both suffered greatly. And for their mental health, they need to talk about it."

She sighed, "All right, I agree," she replied, "But just this once." she added. She wasn't sure if she was really doing the right thing by permitting them time alone together, right at that moment. She needed time to herself, time to understand her own feelings for Tom, time to reflect on Tuvok's words on fraternisation and time to reflect on Mark, and she couldn't do that when in a counselling session with Tom. Or perhaps it was the best time to get everything out in the open between them, whatever that was.

But no, the talk must focus on Tom and his experience in the prison and not be about her.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Late the following night, Kathryn was resting on her lounge, in her quarters, reading a novel on her PADD; it was something she tried to do each night, as a way to calm her mind before sleep. Not that it always worked out that way, sometimes she become so engrossed in a story, she couldn't put it down and would spend almost the whole night reading, instead of sleeping. And that night was turning out to be one of those times, as her chief engineer had recommended a Klingon romance story for her to read.

She had no idea what to expect but she soon came to realise that it was nothing like the old Earth romance novels. The heroine of the story was no weakling female who only needed a man, usually one who had suffered a broken heart in the past, to make her happy. This heroine, Kolana, was full of fire, seeking revenge against those who killed her mate, and along the way, she uncovers a trail of deceit, political intrigue and finally the real reason her mate was murdered.

She was just about to discover the identity of the murderer, when the chime to Kathryn's quarters sounded. She jumped slightly, "Come in," she said crossly, "Whoever it is, you better have a good reason for interrupting me."

Tom hesitantly stepped inside, "I'm sorry captain, I can come back later, if you like." he said, as he saw her sitting on the lounge, the lights dimmed, except for a small over head light. She had discarded her jacket and was wearing her short sleeved undershirt, tucked into her black trousers, a shirt that did nothing to hide her wonderful curves.

Kathryn sighed and shook her head, "No, come in, Tom," she replied, "I was just at the pivotal moment in this story and when the door chime sounded..."

He smiled understandingly, "I hate that too. There's nothing worse than being interrupted while reading a good book," he said, "What are you reading anyway?" he asked, as he moved further inside, the door closing behind him.

"Kolana's Revenge. It's a Klingon romance, if you can believe that." she replied, as she waved the PADD in the air, "B'Elanna recommended it to me, and it's actually quite good."

He shook his head, "I didn't know Klingons wrote romance novels."

She smiled, "Neither did I, but it's a very Klingon romance, full of death, revenge, honour and political intrigue," she replied, "What can I do for you?" she asked, as she took in his rumpled state; his uniform jacket open, his hair messed as though he had just got out of bed.

Tom nervously wiped his hands on his trousers, "Well, captain...um...with the doctor's order about coming to see you, if I needed to talk about..." he stopped, unsure of what he should say or do. He had woken from a nightmare, the second in as many nights, and he just couldn't shake the images from his mind.

Kathryn nodded, as she placed the PADD on the table before she gestured for him to take a seat, "It looks like you've been wrestling with a Klingon targ."

A ghost of a smile tugged on his lips, "That's not very far off from the truth," he replied, as he sat down on the lounge beside her, before he leant forward, his arms resting on his knees. "This feels kind of weird." he finally said after a moment of silence, "I'm not really good with shrinks."

"Shrinks? You mean psychologists?"

He nodded, "Yes, I never liked them," he replied, "I had to go through counselling at the Federation prison in New Zealand. Wasn't pleasant."

"Well, I'm not a shrink but I'm here to help you, in any way I can," she replied, "Even to act as a sounding board," she paused for a moment, "Do you blame Harry for what he did to you, what he was going to do?" she asked carefully.

"Of course I don't," he replied instantly, "Neither of us were responsible for our actions in that hell hole. I don't blame him at all."

She frowned slightly at the emphasis of blame, "Do you blame yourself then?" she asked shrewdly.

He shot off the lounge as if it was on fire and began pacing, "I'm the one responsible for putting us in that prison in the first place. I was the one to suggest we go to the game where the patrollers were playing against each other and Harry just went along with it. If we hadn't gone, we wouldn't have been arrested, judged guilty, drugged and thrown into that hell -"

"Stop," she held up her hand, "Back up there for a moment. What are you saying about Harry? Do you believe that he was just following your orders, when you suggested seeing the game? More importantly was it an order?"

Tom stopped pacing and sighed, "No, of course I didn't order him," he replied, "He wanted to check out the museums but we went to the game instead. If we had gone to the museums, as he wanted, then we wouldn't have been caught up in the explosion."

"You don't know that," she said, "The terrorists could have easily have targeted the museums instead of the sports arena."

He snorted, "You mean the old, we were just in the wrong place at the wrong time, saying."

"That's right, Tom," she sort to reassure him, "You weren't to know that terrorists were going to bomb the centre, any more than I knew we were going to transported across the galaxy by the caretaker. You were both innocent victims." She wished that she had some kind of training in this field, to know how she could react, what to say, and most importantly what not to say.

He nodded, "I do know that but..." he stopped and shook his head.

"But it's still hard to accept that a simple decision such as choosing which venue you would visit, could end in tragedy." she replied quietly.

He nodded, "How do you cope with your decision with the caretaker?" he asked.

She let out a slow breath, "Some days are better than others," she admitted, "But I do know that if I hadn't destroyed the array, then the Kazons would have used it against the Ocampans. In the end, I chose the hard path for us but the better path for Kes's people," she paused for a moment, "But while I had clear choice of which direction to take, you did not, Tom. You cannot blame yourself for going left, instead of going right. I'm just glad we found you and Harry, in time."

"So I am." he replied.

For a moment he was silent, as he stood looking out of the large windows of Kathryn's quarters, debating whether to tell her what happened, or more precisely what could have happened. But in the end, he knew that the dreams would continue, if he didn't talk about it, "Harry's so innocent in some ways that he wouldn't have survived, if I hadn't been thrown in the prison first."

"What do you mean?" she asked as she watched the shadows play across his handsome face, shadows that seem to age him, and yet made him younger, at the some time.

He ran his fingers through his short hair, "I've been around, Kathryn," he replied, "I know what it is like to be in a hostile place such as a prison, surrounded by men who had no qualms about violence. And with the clamp making the inmates more aggressive and more paranoid than normal, and with no women around..." he shook his head, in the memory of his near rape, just moments after he came down the chute.

Kathryn felt her throat go dry, as she realised what he meant, "The doctor never mentioned any kind of sexual abuse, either to you or to Harry." she said compassionately. She was beginning to realise what kind of life Tom had lived, after he had been cashiered out of Starfleet. It was no wonder he once had such a jaded view on life, she thought to herself.

He shook his head, "Only because I was able to fight him off, otherwise..." he paused and shrugged, "But when Harry came down the chute days later, he was in no state to fight off anyone. Pitt, the one who attacked me, started to drag Harry away, but I wasn't going to let that happen and so I fought him again. Fought a couple of them actually, but I got Harry away to a safe place. Well, as safe as we can be."

She stood up and crossed over to him, "Does he know?" she asked, as she placed a comforting hand on his arm.

He shook his head once more, "All he knows is that I saved him from a fight, nothing more." he replied, "And I don't want him to know." he added quietly.

"Of course, what you say here, stays between us and the doctor, if need be," she confirmed, "You've haven't had an easy time, have you?"

He snorted, "My father would say that it's character building." he replied, "Besides, there are people worse off then me." he added, as he took her hand in his. He was surprised when she didn't pull her hand away, "Kathryn -"

"Chakotay to Captain Janeway."

Tom groaned and rolled his eyes, "Oh come on, what's he doing, spying on us or something?" he grumbled. It was the second time the first officer had interrupted them, just when things were getting interesting.

Kathryn shook her head with a small smile, "Janeway here, what is it, commander?"

"Sorry to disturb you, captain," Chakotay replied, "But sensors have found a class M planet, several parsecs away and from the indications, it appears to be abundant with plant life, as well as a good supply of natural dilithium."

"That's excellent news, commander," Kathryn replied, "Change course and have the sensor reports as well as suggestions for possible landing parties, ready for our staff meeting in the morning. And make sure that Neelix is present, he knows this area well and what dangers there could be."

"Aye, captain." Chakotay replied.

"Janeway out." she said before she gazed at the handsome young man standing in front of her, "I'm sorry Tom, next time I'll put the privacy lock on."

He smiled softly, "Perhaps it's for the best, anyway."

"Perhaps, it is." she replied, as she saw the hope in his blue eyes, and felt the pull of her attraction to him. She knew that they had to deal with whatever it was with between them, she couldn't allow it to go on without some kind of resolution. It wasn't fair to either of them, "Do you have any plans for dinner tomorrow?" she found herself asking him.

Tom grinned, "Are you asking me out on a date?"

Her heart pounded at that familiar cheeky grin, "A date? A captain doesn't go on dates," she replied with a teasing smile, "It's called staff briefings."

He chuckled, "Ah, so that's what its called," he said, "I would be honoured to have a staff briefing with you tomorrow, at dinner." he added, as he gazed into her expressive eyes which showed her amusement, and also her attraction. He felt a rush of expectation of their date, he knew they could no longer deny their feelings for each other and he hoped that she would give them a chance to be together.

"Eighteen thirty hours, then." she suggested. She felt a strange sense of excitement, at the thought of spending an evening with Tom. Somehow she knew it would be an enjoyable evening but how enjoyable it would be, she didn't know.

He nodded, "I'll be here," he confirmed, "Thank you for listening to me." he added before he lent down and boldly planted a soft kiss to the corner of her mouth.

Kathryn felt a surge of heat rush, "You're welcome, Tom." she replied, her face flushing.

Tom noticed the flush and felt a rush of male pride for causing it, "Goodnight, Kathryn," he said, his voice deep with longing, "Until dinner." he added.

"Goodnight." she replied, as she watched him leave her quarters, wondering just what she was getting involved in.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

If anyone had been walking by the captain's quarters, they would have been highly curious as to the laughter that was coming from inside; curious as to what the joke was but also curious to know just who was with the captain, for one half of the laughter had a distinctive male tone. However, thankfully for the occupants, the quarters of a captain were fully soundproof; not only was it another privilege of rank but also a necessary one. A captain needed a place of peace and quiet, away from the harsh realities of command, a place to relax and sleep, and a place to entertain without fear of being overheard.

"...and then, after Carey fell into the purple muck, Chakotay tried to pull him out but he ended up in the stuff as well," Tom said with a large grin, "You should have seen them, captain, covered in this thickish purple stuff, looking like large walking, talking plums."

Kathryn laughed at the image of her purple coloured officers, "Well, I'm just glad the stuff wasn't poisonous and they were able to wash it off," she said, "I shouldn't say this, but did you get a visual record of it?"

He chuckled and shook his head, "Unfortunately not." he replied, as they relaxed on the lounge and chatted about the exploits of the landing party to the M class planet, earlier that day.

"Well, it's probably for the best," she replied with a grin, "Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to look them in the eye, if I did."

"I know I won't be able to, at least not for a while anyway," he said, "You know, perhaps I should call Chakotay, Commander Plum, from now on." he added with a wicked gleam in his blue eyes.

"Don't you dare, Tom," she replied, in a half serious tone.

He grinned, "Perhaps not but now that I've said it, you're going to think it, the next time you see him." he predicted.

She narrowed her eyes, "That you for that, lieutenant."

He chuckled, "You're welcome, captain." he replied, totally unafraid of her, "Would you like another slice of pizza?" he asked. Her choice of dinner had surprised him, he didn't know what to expect from her on their date, but he hadn't expected her to serve one of his favourite foods.

She smiled and shook her head, "I don't think I can fit another slice in," she replied, "But don't let that stop you from having another one." she added.

He shook his head, "I've had more than I normally have," he replied, "It was delicious, thank you." he added with a warm smile.

"You're welcome." she replied softly.

For a moment they gazed at each other, both pleased that they had dressed casually for their date. Tom, in dark brown trousers and matching short jacket, with a blue shirt that brought out the colour of his eyes. Kathryn wore a long, off white dress and her hair was down from the usual tight bun she wore but she had pulled the sides back with combs.

Tom nervously cleared his throat, "Cap...Kathryn, you can tell me to shut up or put me in the brig or whatever but we need to talk about this, about us." he paused for a moment, "I know you said that nothing that could come of us, but I believe it can. I have feelings for you, feelings that won't go away and I know you feel the same."

Kathryn held back a sigh before she stood up and moved to look out the large windows. So, the time had finally come to decide what she wanted, to decide if having a relationship with Tom, or anyone else under her command, was the right thing to do. Time to decide if she wanted to live a life of celibacy, or close enough to it, for the next seventy years. Time to let go of Mark and move on with her life.

Tom watched her, "If you need time, I'll give it to you, as long as I know there is a chance for us," he said, "If not, then let me know now and I'll never speak of this again."

She took a breath, "Do you remember when we had that transporter accident that merged Tuvok and Neelix?"

He frowned slightly at the sudden change in topic; it wasn't what he was expecting but he would go along with her, "How can I not," he replied, "It created a new person, Tuvix. I liked him."

"We all did," she replied, "But Kes was naturally troubled by what happened. She came to me, wanting my advice," she said, as she turned around to a nearby shelf and picked up the photo of Mark, "She said she wasn't ready to give up on Neelix. She wanted to know how I deal with having someone back home and perhaps never seeing him again." her voice quivered with her emotions, as she gently caressed the photo with her fingers.

He watched her, with a lump in his throat, "And how did you answer?" he asked, his voice none to steady. He couldn't imagine what she was going through. He didn't have anyone waiting for him, no girlfriend like Harry, or a wife like Carey.

She cleared her throat, "I told Kes that someday, I would have to accept that Mark isn't a part of my life anymore," she replied, "That I would have to let go and move on. It would have been easier if he had simply died, then I could grieve for him, without the uncertainly of it all." her voice crackled, as she replaced the photo back on the shelf. "And then without realising it, I have accepted that very truth. Somehow, somewhere in the last month or so, I have finally accepted that Mark isn't a part of my life anymore."

Tom rose from the lounge, and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, "I'm sorry, Kathryn, I really am."

She nodded, "I know you are," she replied, as she turned to face him, his hand dropping away, "You once asked if I felt a...bond between us," she paused as he nodded, "You're right, I do feel a connection between us." she admitted. "I do have feelings for you, feelings I can't ignore anymore. Feelings I don't want to ignore but I am still concerned about how the crew will react." she added, as she returned to the lounge.

He nodded, "Well, you already have the approval of one crew member." he replied, as he sat down beside her.

"As much as I appreciate your approval, I don't think you count." she said, with a small smile.

He smiled back, "I was actually thinking of Harry," he replied, "I...um...I told him about us...me. Oh, not about that night," he added hastily, wanting to reassure her, "But I told him of my feelings for you."

Kathryn shook her head, "So, that's why Harry has been acting strange around me," she muttered, "I didn't know what it was."

"He'll get over it," he said with some amusement, "But Kathryn, he said that due to our long voyage home, it's only natural for the crew to come together, and that includes the captain. He has no problem with you forming a...relationship with anyone from the crew."

She let out a long breath, "He said that?"

Tom nodded, "Yes, and I imagine many others would feel the same."

She shifted on the lounge, "Well, since we are confessing, there is another person who approves," she admitted, "Tuvok."

"Tuvok! You're kidding?" he exclaimed, "He knows about...?"

It wasn't often she saw Tom looking so stunned, "Well, not about that night," she replied, with his own words, "But I needed some guidance about fraternisation of a captain with someone under their command."

He smiled, "That would have been some discussion; a Vulcan talking about relationships." he replied, as he settled back into the comfortable seat and stretched out his arm along the back of the lounge.

She chuckled, "Actually it was very interesting, in an objective way," she stated, "The strangest part was that he told me not to ignore my basic human need for a mate."

Tom's eyebrow rose, "He said that? Well, it sounds like good advice. I mean, we all need someone, even Tuvok has a wife." he said before he reached over and took her hand in his, "Is there a chance for us, Kathryn?" he asked quietly.

As she gazed into his blue eyes, shining with love, a love for her, she finally made her decision, "Yes, Tom, there is a chance but -"

"But nothing," he interrupted, as he scooted closer to her, "If we can make it work between us, then everything else will fall into place, including the crew's acceptance. And if it doesn't, well..." he shrugged.

She looked down at their combined hands and felt a rush of desire surge through her body. She knew from experience just how strong and how gentle those hands could be; an experience she wanted to know again. She loved him, she had fallen in love with him and she wasn't going to live like a nun for the rest of their journey. She had needs just like anyone else, needs that could no longer be denied, "To hell with them."

He raised an eyebrow in surprise, "To hell with them?" he said with a grin, "I wasn't expecting that."

She chuckled, "Never was I," she replied, "Tom, it's not going to be easy for me, to put aside the fact that I'm the captain but I want this. I want you." she said, her voice quivered with her emotions. She felt a wave of love for this handsome young man, who despite his cockiness, was a man with kind and gentle soul.

"And I'll be right there with you, Kathryn," he replied, his own voice deeper and full of love, as he leant forward and brushed his lips against hers, "I should go." he whispered. Not that he wanted to go, in fact, it was quite the opposite, he wanted to stay and make love to her but it had to be her choice.

Kathryn reached up and slowly ran her fingers through his sandy hair, something she had longed to do but never dared, "You should." she replied, even though her actions stated otherwise.

Tom couldn't stop the low moan from escaping his lips, "But I don't want to." he admitted.

"Then don't." she replied before she closed the gap between them and kissed him.

It was, by no means their first kiss but this time she wanted to savour the moment, she wanted to take her time to explore, to taste those kissable lips of his. Therefore, she took her time kissing him, gliding her warm lips over his, before she darted her tongue darting along his full lips, tasting the pizza and wine they had for dinner. His groan of pleasure, sent hot shivers down her spine, as his lips parted beneath hers, giving her the delectable treat of gently nipping and sucking on the soft flesh.

Tom groaned in disappointment as she pulled away, "Hey, I was enjoying that," he quipped, his voice rough with need and he tried to pull her back but she placed her hands on his chest and pushed. He let her push him away, thinking that one kiss was all he was going to get but then she slowly slid her hands upwards and then to his delight, she pushed his jacket off his shoulders.

"You'll enjoy it even more, with this out of the way." she said with a small knowing smile tugging on her lips, "Did you think that I would leave it at just one kiss between us." she teased him.

He grinned, as he quickly removed his jacket and let it drop to the floor, "Well, the thought did cross my mind," he replied, as he reach up and removed the combs from her hair, "I could get used to this." he added, spreading the silky strands of her hair through his fingers.

She felt a surge of heat rush through her body that deliciously pooled between her legs, "And what would that be?" she whispered.

"Being able to kiss my captain." he whispered, as he claimed her lips with his, even as he gently pressed her backwards against the lounge.

They both moaned as their bodies pressed together and he deepened their kiss, his tongue parting her soft lips before slipping inside to tangle with hers, while his hand skimmed over the soft material of her dress that moulded to her slender body before gently cupping her breast.

She arched into his touch, "Tom." she breathed, as he pulled his lips from hers and laid a trail of hot kisses down her neck, just as she liked it. She groaned as he gently sucked and nipped on that one spot, which always made her go weak in the knees.

"Like that, do you my Katie." he murmured, as he raised his head and gazed down into her heated eyes. He was going to find every little sweet spot on her and then he would torment her until she begged for mercy.

She raised her desired filled eyes to his and saw the same desire had darkened his blue eyes, "I'm not sure, perhaps if you do it again, I'll know." she replied with a grin, as she ran her hand down his back and his sides, the material of his shirt did nothing to hide the firmness of his body. Nor did his trousers hide his growing arousal, which was pressing against her thigh.

He gave a throaty chuckle, "Forever the scientist, eh, Katie," he replied before he dipped his head and planted soft kisses to the same spot before sucking gently. Again, she arched into him, moaned softly, and dug her fingers into his back. He pulled back and grinned down at her, "Scientifically proven," he teased her, his voice rough but full of love. He gently kissed her lips, "You don't mind if I call you Katie, do you?" he whispered against her lips, as his hips began a slow rocking motion against her, "I like to call you that, if you let me."

As if she could deny him anything right at that moment, she mused to herself. She raised her left hand and ran her fingers through his hair, "I don't mind but only in here." she replied.

"Katie, my Katie." he said before he claimed her lips in a deep and hungry kiss, which left her in no doubt as to his desires, or her own, while their hands explored and caressed wherever they could reach.

As they came up for air, she reached down between them and gently palmed his erection through his trousers, "Well, what do we have here, lieutenant?" she asked breathlessly but with a devilish gleam in her eyes.

Tom groaned, as her nimble fingers traced the outline of his throbbing cock, "A photon torpedo, captain." he quipped, as he tried to catch his breath, "Ready to launch, ma'am." he added with a wicked grin.

Kathryn chuckled throaty, she loved his quirky wisecracks, "Well, so it is," she replied, as she gave him a gentle squeeze, pleased by the groan her actions caused before she took pity on him, "I think we'll be more comfortable in bed." she said.

He grinned, "I thought you'd never ask." he replied, as he raised himself off her and then helped her to her feet.

"Neither did I." she replied, as they stood for a moment, their arms wrapped loosely around each other, both well aware of what they were about to do, would change everything.

Tom raised his hand and brushed her hair behind her ears, "I love you, Kathryn," he said quietly, "And I know that things are going to be different from now on, but I'm going to be here with you, all the way," he paused for a moment, "You are no longer alone."

Kathryn felt tears well in her eyes, as one of her greatest fears disappeared; the fear of being alone, "Thank you," she replied, her voice crackled with her emotions. She leant up and gently kissed him, "I love you too, Tom." she stated softly.

"Then I'm one lucky guy." he replied, before he leant down and claimed her luscious lips, in a long, slow lingering kiss. He wanted to bring all his love to his kiss, to make her go weak at the knees before he scooped her up in his arms.

"What are you doing?" she said breathlessly, even as she gave a small giggle; she felt like one of her heroines in her holonovels, where the handsome hero swept his lady off her feet.

He chuckled, "What do you think I'm doing," he replied, his voice deep and rough, "I'm carrying you to your bed where I intend to take off your clothes, one by one, before finding every single freckle on your skin, whereby I will make you beg for mercy."

She couldn't help but moan at the wave arousal that surged through her but she wasn't going to let him get away with that, "You can try." she replied, with a gleam in her eyes, as she fingered the hair at the back of his neck that always distracted her.

He grinned at the challenge, "Oh I intend to or die trying," he said, "But what a way to go, eh." he quipped, as he carried her laughing to her bedroom. He knew that whatever the future may have in store for them, they would see it through together.

* * *

The End

I hope you have enjoyed this story, and a big thank you for those who have taken the time to review, it's much appreciated :)

There is a sequel coming soon, I just need to rework the ending before I post it.


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